Wednesday, 12 January 2011

How to get out from bad, unhealthy relationship


Okay let me talk about Mars and Venus for once in a while. This time I’m going to spill some beans. Long long time ago, before I know about the minimalist concept and another self development theories, I was once a dreamless bleached bimbo. The aisle and the altar were my one and only target at the time. There was I, dating a financial steady guy ( steady=I don’t even need to make Curriculum Vitae) with the not so steady persona. I found it later that I was dating an abuser, verbally and physically. He left me with permanent flaw that were caused by fractured bones in my left little finger.
How long? Four years. Did I know that he wasn’t a good man? Surprisingly I knew, yet somehow there’s a lot of “but” in my mind that always kept me stick to him. The fact that he was this two face villain, he could be very sweet and could be as dark as your worst nightmare, and too bad I didn’t listen to my friends that time. Love did turn off my rational alarm.
Okay, why I brought this topic? Because I feel this is an important issue, a bad relationship could drag you down into the bottom of the well, no matter who you are, you might be the lioness in the office, fierce blogger on the net but maybe in real life you are still abused and consumed by choice. At this point I believe nobody will be happy. Fact, a lot of girls even women are dealing with this problem.
How did I get out?
1.       Evaluate
Seriously, don’t lie to yourself, answer this question: “Are you happy”? , “Do you feel respected?”, “Are you free?”.  That was the three questions that I asked to myself and the answer was no. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t feel respected, and I lost my freedom because he was quite possessive and easily got jealous.
2.       Souvenir
Luckily, on this point, the souvenir on my finger always remind me that I shouldn’t get back with him, at all cost.  Physical evidence like letters, photos, notes, could really help.
3.       Travel alone
Never been on solo travel?  Start it now. It builds your confidence and it’s not as scary as you think, you can thank technology that provides you with GPS and 24/7 chat with your experienced friends or fellow solo traveler around the world. Solo travelling is sexy. By the way you don’t have to travel half the globe, another state or city alone will do too. My case, I went to Jakarta that is only 120km away from home.
4.       Dream
If you don’t have one, it’s bull pup. Even if it’s irrational it’s still a dream. Don’t even ask whether it’s too late or not. For example if you’re 25 like me,  yes it would be too late if you want to be a pop sensational diva, but there’s always a chance to be a choir singer or even maybe as jazz singer. On this dream, whatever it may be, if you’re still thinking about popularity it means you’re still a self centered person. Don’t be. Give benefit to your community. It will taste better. It heals your pain. Popularity won’t.
5.       Love yourself
The saddest thing that could happen to a person is ignorance especially to him/herself, by the words love yourself, I didn’t mean you need to be an egoist man, just pay attention, stop and listen to yourself go out and figure what do you really need.
6.       Don’t hop into another relationship
Believe me, it means more trouble. If you can’t handle one, you can’t handle two. Do your math.
7.       Forgive
I’m not feeding you with religious preach, simple fact, people that can’t forgive will automatically try to get even in every way. This is a distraction and waste of energy. Use that energy to build yourself instead.  If you can summarize success theories, focus is the master key to achieve your goals.

These are my first stepping stone, my small step (that funnily I considered as a big step once) into a better life, I hope it would inspire you :)

4 comments:

  1. Great topic. I think that all of these can fit into the sub category of respect. Self respect and being respected by your significant other. If you respect yourself, you'll see that you deserve more than an abuser is offering... and that you don't deserve to ever be treated as less of a person.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, true, self respect is basic ,simple thing but people often forget about it sometimes, especially when a lot of things are going on in your head :P
    It's important to stop for once in a while
    Thank you Denise :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. this was a really useful read... you have no idea. thank you (:

    ReplyDelete